Working with Students

What does all of this have to do with teaching, anyway?

Good question! Well, even though I've been talking about mental illness, I also want to address disorders and diseases that fall outside of that realm, because they have stigma too.

I'm going to tell you the story of how I had a girl with Asperger's Syndrome come to my class, and how I am ashamed at the way I initially judged her.

I teach informally at the Museum of Texas Tech, and for the year of 2011, I have taught a once-monthly art class aimed at children ages 12-18. I will be continuing it starting in February, and I am so happy to have had the experience. The kids are great, and they enjoy not being graded and being free to experiment with their projects.

In March, I had a girl show up whose behavior was... well, at the time I was very frustrated with her. Now, keep in mind that each month, different kids may come. I have a group of four, two girls and two boys, who come regularly, but the other students change. So the first time the girl in question came, I had to evaluate her on the spot, not knowing if she would continue to come to classes.

Something seemed different about her, but I couldn't figure out what. She was very blunt, and seemed to interrupt a lot and talk about things that didn't have anything to do with the lesson. She insisted on sitting by herself, even though that particular month I had maybe four students, and they could have shared a table. She didn't want to talk to any of them. She seemed irritable right off the bat. While I was explaining things to the other kids, she shuffled her feet and told me she was "bored already". That took me off guard.

Of course my knee-jerk reaction, in my head, was to think, "How rude!" But I gave her supplies and let her get started while I continued showing the other kids a more detailed example. (This was in March, so we would have been doing printmaking, but I can't remember which project right now. Either monotypes or collographs.)

I was thinking that there was no way she could have grasped the instructions so quickly, so I resigned myself to having to help her a lot. But she surprised me. She finished the project fast, but she also finished it correctly.

My classes are three hours long, so that the kids have plenty of time to make multiples and try new things. So I offered her more supplies, so she could try something new.

Nope. She didn't want them. She had completed the project, and that was that. So I asked if she wanted to do anything else. There were still two hours left in class, I didn't want her to just sit around while she waited for her mom.

So I went down the hall to the supply room to get her colored pencils and paper. The head of the education department, who also teaches our museum science education class, was in there working, and I must have had a look on my face, because she asked me what was wrong.

I couldn't help it. I word vomited all over the place, I was so frustrated. She concurred that it was an odd situation, and wondered what the kid's problem was.

The following Monday, I was at my other job. My boss at my other job has a son who is 12, and had also come to the class (he ended up being one of my regulars, which I was grateful for, because it helped to make me less nervous having a kid I knew in there). The girl had recognized her son and seemed on friendly terms with him, so I asked her if she knew what was up with the girl.

And she told me that she has Asperger's.

Oh my. Suddenly I felt so awful.

Turns out, the reason the girl was so friendly towards her son is because her son had stuck up for her in elementary school. Other kids thought she was weird and bullied her, and her son stood up to them and told them to leave her alone. After that she stuck by his side, until they were separated in junior high.

When I went back to work at TTU that week, I told my professor and the other staff what had happened. I wondered why her mom hadn't told me that her daughter had Asperger's, but then I realized, well, she had no idea what I would think of that. What if I was uncomfortable? What if I refused to each her? She may have thought that I would react negatively, which I completely understand.

We agreed that we would begin asking parents if there were any medical conditions we needed to be aware of when they called to register their kids for class. I don't know if her mother ever said anything, because I don't answer the phones, but after that, her mother thanked me for teaching her daughter.

People with Asperger's have difficulties with social interaction, which makes them seem odd to others. It is considered to be part of the autism spectrum, and autism definitely has its own stigma associated with it. People with Asperger's don't pick up on social cues well, and may have particular routines or habits that they prefer. They don't understand empathy. For example, this girl was very uncomfortable the first time she came because it was not in her routine. She preferred to sit alone so she didn't have to talk to the other kids.

And Asperger's, along with other disorders on the autism spectrum, along with depression and other mental illnesses, can be considered a disability, depending on how well the person functions.

This girl, oh, she is an amazing artist. I only have to show her something once and she gets it. And even though she usually only makes one piece, it's usually stunning. I haven't found a whole lot of media that she wants to try over and over, but I have noticed that more tactile things-- clay, for example-- keep her interest longer.

So I began being more patient, and trying to ask her lots of questions, to get her to talk more. She still won't sit with the other kids, but I have noticed that she talks more now, she seems more comfortable coming to class, and she is eager to be there. She gets impatient if I take too long explaining, because she has already understood the project, so I have learned to go ahead and set some things aside for her so that she can start when she's ready.

And the most amazing thing happened a few months ago.

She and her mom come to most of our programs at the museum, because we offer so many free things. One Saturday I was helping with something else, and they came by. Her mom told me, out of earshot, that her daughter told her that she wants to go to college now, and she wants to study art. And she thanked me for it.

I can't ask for a higher honor than for someone to tell me that.

So next time you have a kid with behavior you may interpret as a problem, take a deep breath, talk to them, try to understand what may be going on. I wonder now, would I have indeed reacted badly if her mom had told me right off the bat that her daughter has Asperger's? I am not formally educated on how to teach kids with Asperger's. I went to my counselor the following week and borrowed some books from her, because she does a lot of work with autistic children. I read everything I could find.

Most importantly, I learned patience.

I see a lot of educators who lack patience, even in museum settings. I cringe any time I see someone yell at a child. In my experience, that doesn't work. But patience, talking to them, trying to understand, that works.

I'm so glad this girl has been coming to class. I'm looking forward to February, when I'll start up again, and seeing what she and the other kids create.

Not Right in the Head.com

The other day, someone I'm friends with on Facebook posted a link to another Facebook page called "im not right in the head.com" The lack of punctuation appears to be intentional. Because they're not right in the head. Therefore they don't know how to spell or punctuate. Get it? Do you get it? Hahaha, oh, how clever, because of course if you're wrong in the head, you must be completely stupid! ("Stupid" is another word along the lines of "crazy", that I think we could probably do without in our everyday vocabulary.)

Oh, and let's not forget the profile picture. A grotesque green creature with one eye, large teeth spaced far apart, and a vacant look on its face that I'm certain is supposed to make him look "slow".

The page's purpose is to allow users to submit pictures of people they think are "not right in the head". They describe themselves thusly:

WELCOME

Hey, thanks for joining INRITH. You've taken a bold first step towards living a fuller, richer life by admitting that there are probably a few wires loose between your ears. It's okay, you’re not alone. In fact, we’re all Not Right in our own way. It’s what makes us interesting. So we’re here to celebrate that Not Rightness and have a good-natured laugh in its face.

Where do I even start? I can't tell them how offensive I think they are, though, because, as they say:

"We don’t attack one other. We just don’t. We’re here to build friendships. If you don't like a photo, please don’t tell everyone. Let the people who do like it have fun with it. We encourage you to find another photo that you like and build off of that one, instead of trying to tear down the one you don't like. The same goes for comments. If you don’t like someone’s comment, ignore it. Don’t attack them. If it’s super racist or offensive then, of course, let us know. But other than that, just let it slide. If you don't understand that spirit, if you don't agree with it - that's okay. But please unlike the page right now. This isn't the place for you. This isn’t a place for critical spirits. "

Oh. Well then. I didn't realize that building friendships off of shared mockery of mental illness and deficiencies was such serious business. And of course, heaven forbid we call people out on their horrible behavior. This sort of "if you don't like it, leave" attitude really ruffles my feathers. I'm not sure what kind of "spirit" this is, exactly, that they're promoting, but it leaves me feeling very queasy.

If you go through all the photo albums that the page has, you'll see things sorted into categories. There's the Not Right School, Not Right Jobs, Not Right Art, etc. Many of the photos show people doing things that could be considered rather illogical, as though the people lack common sense. Some of the art pieces are just horrible art. But they're all posted with the implication that the people in them or the people who created them are "not right in the head".

And that just doesn't sit well with me.

623,110 people "like" the page on Facebook, which means that they are subscribed to the page and its updates. They are able to contribute the content that makes up all the photo albums. That's an awful lot of people who don't care one bit about how they are making mentally ill people feel.

They just want to have fun, and they don't appreciate it when people come in there and comment that their page is offensive. That's why they have those rules, to keep out anyone who wants to ruin their fun. See, having someone point out that they're being offensive would mean that they would have to confront that idea, and obviously they're not ready for that.

I feel that we should push people more to confront these things, though. Not just stigma around mental illness, but our privileges, our prejudices, our racism, our sexism... you get the idea. A lot of the time people don't realize that they are perpetuating stereotypes or stigma. Obviously these people do, or they wouldn't have those rules in place that discourage people from calling them out. But next time you hear someone use a word like "stupid", "idiot", "crazy", "psychotic", or they call someone "not right in the head", maybe you'll consider telling them that there are better words to use.

That Abstract Thing

This is a piece I worked on for a while in an attempt to create something that was representational of my anxiety. Sometimes my anxiety creeps up on me, but a lot of the time it's a very sudden sort of attack, and I feel paralyzed with fear, panicky, and I have trouble breathing. I usually cry hysterically, and sometimes it's over nothing. Once I had a horrible attack because I found a Junebug stuck in my sleeve. I had them quite often my first semester of grad school because it was difficult re-adjusting to student life, and the workload was overwhelming, which is partly what prompted me to finally seek help. I had one last night because there was a bug in my bathroom sink (you can sense a recurring theme here. I suffer from a paralyzing fear of bugs). Oh, and social situations! I still haven't learned to handle them beyond a "grin and bear it" sort of attitude. But I feel so immensely uncomfortable and anxious when surrounded by lots of people. I can't tolerate crowds most of the time. I do have good days, where everything is okay, but most of the time I just try to quietly excuse myself before I totally flip out.

Anything that overwhelms me can trigger an attack. But sometimes things that should by all logic turn me into a crying mess do nothing, and vice versa. So I attempted to create a piece that showed this sort of unpredictability, and showed it as a frightening, shadowy sort of thing that looms over me most of the time.

It's a digital piece, created in Photoshop with my graphics tablet. There's not really a title. I've just been calling it "that abstract thing" in my head, haha.

Making things that are non-representational is very hard for me. I usually do very figurative stuff, so this was outside the box in a big way.

Criminal Minds and other TV Procedurals

Hey, let's talk about TV.

Have y'all seen that show "Criminal Minds"? It's on right now. I have no idea if this is a rerun or what, as I don't normally watch this show. I did, for a while, and sometimes I'll still watch it if noting else is on (I don't have cable), but it usually leaves me unsettled. Let me tell you why.


Criminal Minds is a procedural-style show that follows a team of FBI profilers from the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, Virginia. The show has been on for six seasons, so it must be doing something that audiences like.

The show follows the criminal, and focuses on them and their behavior, rather than the crime. The team tries to figure out what sort of deviant they're dealing with, and it seems like most of the time, it's someone with a mental illness. The team members come from various backgrounds, including law enforcement and psychology. They profile the criminal, figure out what kind of mental disorder they have, and proceed to catch them. But the show just can't help throwing out lots of words picked up from a college Psych 101 class and portraying these illnesses in the most fear-mongering way possible.

For example, in an episode I happened to see from March of this year, which featured a serial killer who heard three different voices in his head. One of the team members begins to fear turning into a similar kind of person, because his mother was mentally ill (she has paranoid schizophrenia and the character in question committed his mother to an institution when he was 18). The serial killer, as it turns out, committed crimes before he was diagnosed with mental illness, so the implication is that he was born inherently evil. The killer ends up in a mental hospital and appears to be getting better, so the hospital staff become more lenient with him, but in the end, the voices return to him, and the episode ends with the implication that he will return again. DUN DUN DUN.

And that's just one example. Nearly every episode features at least one of the following: trauma, sexual abuse, compulsive disorders, dissociation, antisocial or narcissistic behavior, and goodness knows what else. The major recurring serial killers have been labeled as Psychotic and one had Multiple Personality Disorder after suffering childhood trauma.

As if that weren't bad enough, CBS decided that there needed to be a spin-off, titled Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. I have thoughts on that one as well, but as with most things I have Feelings About, someone else has already said it better. I'm gonna let Salon.com take this one:

"Like most CBS procedurals, this one is mainly interested in seeing how much perversity and fear it can serve up while maintaining the pretense of clinical distance. No dice: This is one sick piece of trash. Between its plasticized pseudo-characters, compositionally indifferent camerawork, “Real dialogue to be inserted later” lines, and lingering images of cruelty and pain masquerading as portraits of man’s inhumanity to man, “Suspect Intentions” plays like a Thomas Harris novel adapted by Ed Wood. For those of you compiling lists of the worst new TV series of 2011: Pencils down, y’all. We have a winner."

Mercifully, this one was canceled in May of 2011. But the original Criminal Minds continues to live on, perpetuating the idea that all violent offenders are mentally ill.

This show is certainly not the only one to do this, and CBS is not the only network to do so. But that doesn't make it right. I'm calling this show out because it focuses so closely on the criminal, and portrays them as such caricatures of people with real mental illness. These shows drum up fear and try to make the crimes as disturbing as possible. The criminals are portrayed as mentally ill because it is frightening to think that someone who is NOT mentally ill could do so. "Of course a crazy person did it, they're crazy." And so the stigma continues to grow, and people who are mentally ill feel ashamed and weak, because it's not something we can control. The shame is often so great that it overshadows all other symptoms, and usually just exacerbates things.

Mental Health in Comics

I'm a big comics fan. I love comic books and the movies they spawn. I love movies, too.

But one thing I don't like is how mental health is treated in those mediums.

Earlier this year, DC Comics announced that it was relaunching most of its titles, calling it the "New 52" launch. The intention was to start over with their superheroes, to make them more accessible to readers who have not kept up with the years and years and years of mythology behind them. You should be able to pick up issue #1 and start from the beginning.

DC also made it sound like they were going to treat audiences differently. They were going to be more inclusive to women and minorities. That didn't exactly happen, but because they didn't relaunch the way people expected them to, they were called out on a lot of their problems. Their over-sexualization of women, for one, sparked a lot of debate.

Well, one group that isn't being treated any differently is the mentally ill. From the article:

The three forensic psychiatrists, who co-founded the consulting group "Broadcast Thought," are also comic book readers. And they've often been appalled by the depiction of the mentally ill in comics. But it was one recent solicitation that got the ball rolling.

"This is something that I've had my eye on, as I went through medical school and went through psychiatry residency, and then forensic psychiatry fellowship," Pozios said. "I've paid more careful attention to these depictions of mental illness in comic books.


"And I have to say that, as someone who regularly reads Newsarama, I pay attention to the solicitations when they're posted," he said. "And when the solicitation came out for Batman and Robin #26, I have to say that was a shock to me, when I saw the language that was used. I thought to myself, "I can't believe they're actually using this sort of language. They're actually using the word 'lunatic' in the solicitation!'"

The solicitation said, "Someone freed the lunatics, and unless they can be stopped, they'll turn Paris into a surreal Hell on Earth!"

"I thought about writing something about it back then," Pozios said. "And I started talking to the guys about it. But when DC announced the relaunch, we all thought it would be a great opportunity for DC to seize the moment and update some of the language and the depictions.
But so far, Pozios said, mental disorders seem to be depicted in a similar manner after the relaunch as there were before September. "It's too early to tell if there will be any substantive changes, but we remain optimistic that DC Comics will capitalize on the success of The New 52 and seize the opportunity to modernize depictions of mental health issues in future DC Comics issues," he said.

Think about it. The Joker and the other residents of Arkham Asylum, located in Gotham City, are all characterized as "criminally insane". They're only bad because they're crazy! It's an easy explanation, but it's also harmful.

As the psychiatrists in the article mention, describing their behavior by using real-world medical terms only reinforces the idea that mentally ill people are dangerous.

You may be saying to yourself, "They're just comic books, what's the big deal?" Well, they're perpetuating negative stereotypes that are consumed by a massive audience. Young people and adults read comics every week. The comics industry is huge. It spawns movies that are also consumed, and merchandise. And believe me, I intend to discuss other media too: Movies, TV, books, newspapers, etc. All of these visuals combined create a culture where mental health is not welcome. People who are mentally ill must be crazy. It's such a pervasive thought in our society that we probably don't even notice it most of the time.

Every single person who reads these negative depictions of the mentally ill is also consuming these stereotypes. There's a reason that people are afraid of those diagnosed with Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder. It's because people with those disorders are shown as dangerous, as serial killers, as "psychos" who will snap at any moment.

It makes people afraid to speak up about their own problems. Like I've said before, I was very afraid to seek treatment for many years. I didn't want to be crazy. Other people would be afraid of me. My own mother has called me crazy before, and even though I know she didn't mean it in a derogatory way, it still hurt. If my own mother thinks I'm crazy, what will other people think?

So some people who don't seek treatment become worse. It shouldn't be that way.

My Own Mentality

So I thought I would go into some more detail about my own personal experiences, so that you all know where I'm coming from.

I have been depressed for most of my life. For a long time, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. When I was a teenager I thought it was a phase. In college I thought it must be stress. After college I thought everyone else was the problem. It couldn't be me. There couldn't be anything wrong with me mentally. That would make me crazy, wouldn't it?

After much urging from my family, I finally talked to my doctor and began psychological counseling. I have been in counseling for almost two years now. I have been on anti-depressants for just as long.

The thing with antidepressants is, you never know if they're going to work. The side effects kick in right away, but the benefits take some time to hit you. And even then, sometimes the benefits just aren't worth it.

For example, the first antidepressant I was on was great. I felt amazing. But it made me gain weight rapidly, even when I wasn't eating much. I changed medicines, but I still haven't managed to get that weight off.

The second antidepressant I tried made me feel worse. I felt hyper caffeinated and very edgy. That one didn't last long. I went back to my doctor after two weeks and told her it had to be changed immediately.

The fourth medicine I tried worked okay, but I found that my insomnia became much worse while on it. My doctor added a sleeping aid that is often used in conjunction with antidepressants, and it helped somewhat. We're still adjusting the dosages, and I'll be going back in a month for a regular checkup and to discuss how I'm doing.

I go to counseling every Wednesday morning. Sometimes I have a lot I want to talk about, and some weeks I'm okay and we talk about things that seem banal or trite. Some weeks I am a sobbing mess in the office, and other weeks I'm very chipper and upbeat. Nothing is perfect yet. The medicine isn't a magical fix-all.

For example, for about the last week, I've felt my depression creeping up on me. I've been crying at everything, and yesterday and today I had horrible crying fits. I don't even know why I was crying. I just felt miserable and upset, and nothing could console me.

I'm not telling you all this so that you'll feel sorry for me. I'm saying it because I hope that it will give you all some idea of what my day to day is like. It's very up and down. My emotions can change in the bat of an eye. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster most of the time. Some situations make me feel incredibly anxious, and sometimes I manage to choke it down and face things like a big girl.

And I'm not afraid to talk about it. I was for a long time, because, again, I didn't want to admit that I was depressed and anxious. Many people who suffer from depression don't like to or are afraid to talk about it. I'm not, not anymore. But I was. Like many people, I associated "depression" with "mentally ill" with "crazy".

I can be very sensitive about the word "crazy". Lots of people use it in a way that they don't intend to be offensive. "Man, [insert noun here] was so crazy!" "Did you see that movie? Wasn't that crazy?" "I'm crazy excited about [blank]" Etc, etc.

People use this word when what they really mean is "intense", "overwhelming", or "amazing", or some variation thereof. So why don't they use those words? Why use "crazy"? Or "insane"? Or "psychotic"?

Don't worry, if you use it around me I'm not going to jump down your throat. Depending on the situation, how well I know you, and the context of what you said, I may gently tell you that there are better words to use. I know that people who use those words don't intend for them to be harmful.

So, maybe you guys could think about cutting those words from your vocabulary. It took me a very long time to do that, and sometimes I still slip up and use them. It's okay. It's not an easy thing to do.

Finally, I wanted to link to something that made me laugh, and also struck me as a pretty accurate depiction of what I feel sometimes: Adventures in Depression, a crudely drawn comic on a blog I enjoy reading. The crude art coupled with her writing makes it hilarious to me. Your opinion may vary, but I thought I'd throw some humor into what is otherwise an overly serious post.

Mental Myths, Introduction

We talked a lot about social justice this semester, so I thought I'd pick a particular issue that is important to me: mental illness, and the stigma that often surrounds it.

First, a disclaimer: I myself am considered mentally ill.

How does that statement make you feel when you read it?

Does it scare you that you are reading words written by a mentally ill person? Maybe you feel uncomfortable. What images do the words "mentally ill" conjure up?

It's okay to admit that you have a negative reaction to that statement. Many, many people do. For a very long time, I was scared of the thought that there was something wrong with me. That I might be "crazy", or "psycho", or "insane".

Turns out, I'm just severely depressed and have horrible anxiety.

Maybe that makes it less scary for you to hear that I'm mentally ill. "Oh, it's just depression, no big deal".

Except it is a big deal, and it can be very frustrating when depression is depicted as something that people just need to "get over", or like it's something simple, that can be fixed with a pill. You see commercials all the time for various anti-depressants, and how depression is just a "chemical imbalance" that can be easily corrected.

Well, let me tell you from experience that it is not that easy.

So, since I am a big movie and TV buff, I thought I'd start off with some links to articles that discuss mental health in the media:

Media's Damaging Depictions of Mental Illness

Media Fuels Mental Illness Stigma

TV's Split Personality